well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
