She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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