Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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