Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
