Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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