My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
