Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
wow bdsm is so cute
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
