You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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