I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
