Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
