everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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