No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
