Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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