The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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