OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
