my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
