dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
