According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
