man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
