there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
