So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
