told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
