So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i think i just lost a toe
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
