booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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