I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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