i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk is not a location!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
