I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
