Moan for me like Helen Keller
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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