I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
