I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
