i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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