watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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