she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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