two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
