Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
