how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
