I wish I could teleport
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
