Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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