There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
