But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
