things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
