The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
