shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
