I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
