I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
