i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
