I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
