that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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