My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
