You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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