i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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