I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
