fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
